Dear bf,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. You've changed too much since we met, and I don't like it. I know you'll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you're a liar. But everyone knows that already, so they won't believe you. And another thing: take a freakin shower! You smell so bad that the garbage collectors wonder what the smell is when they come down the street. Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. Here's some food for thought: you're a dick! It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit.

And as if that wasn't enough, you have to criticize me all the time! Now it's my turn to be the critic. I give you one thumb up: stick it up your ass! At first I couldn't understand what smelled so bad when I spent time with you, but now it's clear: you're spoiled like a piece of meat left out in the sun. Another problem is that you're irresponsible, and I just don't want to put up with the consequences of your decisions anymore. What really breaks the deal is your horrible grammar. Srsly d00d, learn 2 rite a sentance!

Even though our relationship is at its end, I hope we can still be friends. It's not you, it's me. Really. Why are you so boring? I've seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I'm not sure whether we can see each other again in the future but, for now at least, I definitely need my own space. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

Enjoy your new freedom, slut!
gf

Dear boss,

I'm writing you this email because I think my time working at COMPANY has come to an end. The other employees are a bunch of whiners. I guess I can't blame them too much, considering how crappy it is to work at COMPANY. And yes, I do realize the irony of me complaining to you about my coworker complainers. And you know those cheerful smiles you get from your employees? It's a sham. They're a bunch of suck-ups. Ass-kissers. Brown-nosers.

Everyone needs a good meal to keep them going at work, but when someone else's meal kills everything within smelling distance, it's just not fair to the rest of us. They should eat their smelly food on the roof or something. Based on your case, boss, it seems that it's official COMPANY policy to pay more money as you rise through the ranks yet work less than those below you. What's up with that? You've no doubt heard of love at first sight. Well, as soon as I laid my eyes on you, I could tell I didn't like you one little bit. You sure have some kind of crazy genetic thing going on: your shoulders are so sloped that any blame slides right off you. And did you know that everyone at the office thinks you're gay? I've decided it must be true; when I ask you a question, you never give a straight answer. Also, you react way too harshly to minor little things at work. Quit crying over spilled milk and grow up!



I bet you can't replace all the staplers I stole,
worker.


P.S. Not only are you a bad boss, you're ugly too! Sure sucks to be you.